Cautionary tales of the Duds by Dudes Three Wolf Moon shirt

Although this shirt is more awesome than Chuck Norris karate kicking through a wall made out of live crocodiles, (and we can beat any Amazon.com price) we feel obligated to warn any and all unsuspecting victims who think that any Duds by Dudes Three Moon Wolf shirt doesn't hold real power. Please heed the Duds by Dudes warning from a real live Duds customer, Edward Morton, about the infamous Duds by Dudes Three Wolf Moon shirt,

"My Duds by Dudes shirt arrived in the mail last week. When I got home from work I found the shirt had torn itself out of the packaging, destroyed my mail box, broke into my house, slept with my wife, kicked my dog, and mowed my yard. Now it will not let me in the house. I have been sleeping in my pickup parked at least six blocks away. It has been three days. I'm cold, tired, and hungry. I think people are beginning to stare at me. Passers-by go to the other side of the street now. I may be hallucinating but I think I saw a squirrel laughing at me this morning. I called Duds by Dudes who said their shirts are so powerful that they encounter this problem all the time and together we devised a plan to get me back into my house. I'm going to dress in a Santa suit and go in through the chimney. I have a high-intensity taser and enough tranquilizer darts to subdue a rhino. Hopefully the Santa suit confuses the Duds by Dudes Shirt long enough for me to get off a shot or two.

UPDATE 1: I awoke in my truck this afternoon with a dart sticking out of my leg. It must have gone off on accident while I was loading it.

UPDATE 2: I awoke this morning in a hospital bed. I'm not sure what happened. Everything was going according to plan. I was through the chimney and in the living room and now I'm in a hospital with three darts wounds in my chest. The Duds by Dudes Shirt must have gotten the drop on me somehow. It is very strong.

UPDATE 3: I spoke with the FBI this morning. They decided the best choice was for me to enter the witness protection program. I am giving up on seeing my dog or my wife ever again. There will be no further updates."

So beware Dudes and Dudettes, heed Edward Morton's cautionary tale and realize that the power and vigor of a Duds by Dudes shirt is not to be abused! However if used properly X-ray vision, mind control, and the ability to raise the dead could be yours by calling Duds by Dudes at 866-96-DUDES (38337). And don't worry, we got Ed back into his house after calling in the special forces.